Early 1800's around England. Jack Black and his best friend Wayne were out in a field tilling turnips for their village. They were talking back and forth about one day leaving the village to explore the world. From over a hill off in the distance a group of 40 teenage boys appeared. They all had on red kilts with a black belt and a wool military cap that was red with black trim. They also had axes, spears, and wooden pitchforks. As the group approached Jack and Wayne they noticed a tall skinny bald man with lots of piercings. This man appeared to be the leader of the group. Jack and Wayne didn't know if they should run to the village to warn them or wait there. They argued back and forth in a funny manner until finally they did not have a choice because the leader called out to them; scaring them. Jack was trying to be cool about it and was like "what's up", while Wayne whispered "let’s get the hell out of here". The leader said "I am Ortho the Great Sorcerer and Leader of the Legion of Doom and you will join my minions or have your village destroyed." Wayne said "no way", but as the crowd of boys surrounded them with their weapons raised he had a change of heart. Jack wanted to know what this Legion of Doom was planning to do. Ortho said, "We are going village to village to build our army in order to take over the world." Jack liked the idea of leaving the village to see the world so he was willing to go. He asked if they will be plundering and looting and have the opportunity to meet girls on the way. Ortho said, "You imbecile, I am a great sorcerer, they will give me what I want."
As they marched down the road past their village Wayne could not believe Jack wanted to really join this cult so he started questioning Jack. Jack said "it wouldn't be that bad, we don't have to do anything, this guy has 40 other followers to do the work." Jack wanted to stop at his hut to grab some stuff so he asked the leader to run back and catch up with them down the road, but the leader ignored him. One of the other followers pushed him back into the middle of the group. Wayne called him an idiot, because if they entered their village it would be disaster.
They came upon another village after miles of walking across the country side and through the forest. Jack was so excited but he wanted to stop so he could pee behind a tree. The group was quiet until now but they started chanting and continued on into the village. The village was more of a city, much larger than Jack and Wayne's. Few people were out in the streets and those people paid no attention to the group. Like the chanting was keeping them invisible. Ortho made his way to the center of town where a large building like the Taj Mahal was located. They entered the building and stopped chanting. The minions spread out throughout the large entrance. It was a large 100 yard hall into the main room. Two boys went to every doorway to guard them. The rest of them continued to the main room leaving 2 boys about every 20 yards. The people in the building looked shocked but not scared.
When Ortho, Jack, Wayne, and about 6 other boys got to the main room they saw it was a large restaurant. The doorman greeted them in a French accent, "you must be General Tsao; we have a table ready for you". Ortho was not amused, "I am the Great Sorcerer Ortho and you will join my Legion of Doom". "Sorry sir but I am not done until 6, and there will be a thirty minute wait for your table." Ortho was not amused, he walked past the doorman and made his way down the center of the room to stage on the other side of the room. Three of the followers made their way to the right side of the room after pushing the doorman into the wall. The other three went to the left side of the room and all of them started humming. Jack saw an open table in the left corner. "Hey Wayne, look over there, I'm starving." Before Wayne knew it he was following Jack zig zagging his way to the table.
Jack sat down and picked up the wine menu as Wayne sat across from him in disbelief. "So what do you want, I'm going to have the Ale and maybe Bangers and Mash." The other people in the restaurant paid no attention to what was happening. Ortho saw the two at the table and was angered. He left the stage and made his way over as the 3 minions from the right side of the room followed.
Ortho grabbed Jack's shoulder. "Why are you not in your position?" Jack answered, " I thought you could handle it oh great sorcerer, I just wanted to get a bite first." He yelled, "Get into your position NOW!", as he pointed over to the right corner of the stage. A guy at the next table hushed him but got the back of his head hit with a club by a minion, knocking him out. Jack quickly sprang to his feet and asked, "We do get to eat after, right?" Ortho sat down in Jack's chair paying no attention to Jack but stared at Wayne who is now surrounded by the minions from the left side of the room.
"Why do you test me so?", Ortho questioned Wayne. Wayne answered, "I agreed to join you Legion of Doom, I didn't say I would like it." This angered Ortho even more and he ordered a minion to kill Wayne. Jack grabbed the boys are as he swung his axe toward Wayne. "Hold on here, you don't need to do that." At this point Wayne is still seated at the table and Ortho is standing directly behind Jack who is holding onto this boy while 2 more boys stood behind them between the tables. "Kill him", as Ortho ordered the minions to attack Jack. Jack looked over the shoulder of the boy he was holding and saw a wooden pitchfork coming at him. Jack wrestled the boy over to his left landing on the table next to them along side the guy that got clubbed to the back of the head.
As Jack looked up he saw the minion with the wooden pitchfork with a frozen look of disbelief on his face. Then he turned further to his right along the shaft of the pitchfork to see that it was stuck in Ortho's face whom is now slouched in the chair across from Wayne. "Oh shit, you stabbed him in the face." Then Wayne and Jack look at each other in unison and yell "RUN!" Everyone in the room was frozen in shock as Wayne and Jack make their way to the doorway. At this point everything from the stage toward them starts turning white. As they both reach the hallway they turn around to witness the color change and all the boys clothes and weapons disappear and they look like ken dolls. Wayne said, "I thought he was full of crap about being a sorcerer, guess I was wrong." Jack just noticed the other minions so he said, "If I knew that would happen, I would have stayed home."
As Jack and Wayne are running down the 100 yard hallway from the restaurant not only is everything turning white and all the minions are naked, but the floor is turning to white mud and the people standing still are sinking like quicksand. "RUN....RUN.....RUN", they both continue to yell as they too run down the hall with their feet splashing like a run through a mud puddle. By now even the minions are running down the hall to the exit. Jack can't help but notice a naked butt running 10 yards in front of him. Jack has slowed down because he is so out of shape. Wayne grabs his arm and says, "Come on, we're almost there." Jack responds, "Go on without me, tell the girls at home how I saved your life." "Shut up I'm not leaving you, we can make it."
Jack has fallen to the floor, which is now solid again, at 10 yards to the door right next to a guy that is sitting on his butt with half a leg missing cause it is stuck in the solid floor. Jack sees the man and says, "Hey bud, how's it going." Wayne just continues to walk to the door now that it seems the danger is over. Jack notices the guy’s leg and says, "That sucks, does it hurt?" The guy is staring straight forward toward the restaurant with a puzzled look on his face but responds, "I thought it would be a different color, white, I would have never have picked white."
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Last update: 10-01-2010 10:00 |
| Published in : Cult |
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